The Unaddressed Question
There’s been a question that we in the church have been afraid to ask. It’s a painful question because its answer will expose the state of our hearts – both before God and the unbelieving world. And it’s the question we’ve left unaddressed for too long now:
If the gospel really is good news, then why aren’t Christians the happiest people in the world?
Think about it for a minute. To receive the gospel is to have eternal life. That means that a Christian has life’s ultimate jackpot! It means that our lives truly have purpose and meaning. It means that everything we fear will one day be defeated – every sickness, every heartache, every evil, and even our own acts of sin will be forgiven and removed from us! The gospel also means that God now dwells among us as our Father and friend – giving us hope in both this life and the next!
So why are we unhappy? Why do we worry about who we’ll end up marrying? Why do we worry about how we’re going to afford a house and pay off our debt? Why do we worry about making sure we catch our “calling”, our “dream”, and our “purpose”? Moreover, why do we become angry and struggle to forgive people? And why do we sink into sadness and depression over trivial misunderstandings?
Caught Up in the Middle
If we truly believed that God is good, wouldn’t we just be in a state of perfect contentment and confidence? The answer should be “yes”, but the factor unaccounted for is the fact that we are children that are still growing. When we were kids, a lot of us dreaded going to the dentist or getting a doctor’s shot. We cried because we couldn’t see the value of what our parents were making us go through. Now that we’re older, we’re grateful that our parents took care of us, even if it meant making us go through unpleasant experiences. And thankfully, the dentist now is not as scary as he used to be!
God gave us emotions. And emotions are a wonderful thing, but while we’re in the process of becoming more like Christ, those emotions are still trying to catch up to what we know from God’s word to be true. So even though I know God promises to provide for all of my needs (Philippians 4:19), I still have to wrestle with the anxiety that springs up when I don’t know where my next paycheck is gonna come from. So I’m caught up in the middle – between believing that God loves me and feeling that He could care less about me.
Is Mental-Spiritual Warfare the Answer?
As a solution to the many negative emotions we wrestle with, many Christian leaders would recommend mental-spiritual warfare. They point to passages like 2 Corinthians 10:5 to say that we need to take every thought captive. So if my feelings are not in alignment with biblical truth, I’m encouraged to:
- Identify the lie I’m believing.
- Renounce the lie.
- Identify the life-giving truth from God’s word.
- Declare this truth over myself.
This is an important part of handling our emotions, but it is NOT always the first step! I myself have recommended that we strengthen our faith through a combination of surrender and declaration. (More on that in my blog, Dirty, Gritty Faith.) Nevertheless, while renouncing lies and correcting thoughts may help get my thinking straight, it doesn’t always change how I’m FEELING! Because I may forgive someone, and still feel hurt. I may surrender my worries before God, and still feel burdened. I may remind myself that I’m a child of God, and still feel the sting of rejection.
Furthermore, mental-spiritual warfare can actually be detrimental if not done right! In our efforts to correct our thoughts and align them with God’s word, we often try to dismiss how we are feeling in order to just focus on the truth. But this is not a good practice! If I fracture my leg, I can’t just dismiss the injury and “walk it off”. I have to go to the doctor, let him bind my bones up, and give my leg time to rest. Similarly, we can’t just dismiss our broken emotions. We need to take them to the Great Physician!
Permission to Feel
What I’d like to offer you is an exercise that has been helpful to me personally. It’s by no means the single biblical solution to the problem in question. But I encourage you to prayerfully consider it.
What if I told you that you are allowed to feel your negative emotions? Now please read the entirety of what I’m going to say here. You are allowed to feel frustrated for being single. You are allowed to feel anger and hurt for how you were mistreated. And you are allowed to be scared about the unknown. In fact, I’ll go a step further and suggest that you must let yourself feel your emotions. However, you have to let yourself feel these things in God’s presence. And furthermore, you will want this exercise to eventually lead you into a place of contentment and trust in God.
First step: Take some time to be alone from other humans. Invite God to be with you in the moment. And then just sit. Don’t pray. Don’t say anything. Just let yourself feel the pain, knowing that God is sitting right there with you. We don’t want to do this in a way that is aggressive or rebellious toward God, but simply in a manner that is respectfully honest. God can take our sincere honesty. You don’t need to give in to panic and lose your mind. You just need to be honest with God: “I feel scared.” You don’t need to rage and scream out your angry frustrations. You just need to be honest with God: “I feel angry and hurt right now.” You don’t need to selfishly demand your way. You just need to be honest with God: “I want something that I’m not getting.”
Take your time with this and let yourself feel what you are feeling. Don’t rush it. Sit in the quietness and let God do His healing. It’ll be uncomfortable at first. In your moment of quiet, it will be tempting to fight your emotions with logic or just talk sense into yourself. Don’t do it! Give your emotions room to breathe. Give yourself time to breathe. As you do so, trust God that He is healing you and working within you. Eventually, you’ll reach a point after a few minutes when you can stop and exit that space. You will have felt better. You will have felt heard. You will have felt lighter.
Warning
This exercise can be done with a whole variety of different emotions. But let’s not forget: we are doing this in order that our hearts can be aligned with the truth of God’s word! Take your time with this exercise, but don’t take too long. Don’t stay too long in the space of stewing in your emotions, especially if it leads you into a place of becoming more angry, sad, fearful, frustrated, etc. This exercise shouldn’t lead you into further lust or sin, so please refrain from doing it if that ends up being the case. The reason we want to process our emotions is so that after some time, we can release them and move on.
Happiness is a result of being content. We want to end up in a place where we are content with wherever God has us in life. Allowing ourselves to feel our emotions is an important first step in that. However, we eventually want to get to a heart posture of trusting that God is in control of our lives.
We let ourselves feel anger, so that eventually we can forgive and believe in God as our source of justice.
We let ourselves feel fear, so that eventually we can take courage and turn to God as our source of peace.
We let ourselves feel discontentment, so that eventually we can give thanks and turn to God as our source of satisfaction.
Finally
Second step: After exiting the space of feeling your pain, there is now some room for mental-spiritual warfare. There is now some room for getting your thoughts in order and focusing on God’s truth. This doesn’t have to be done immediately after the first step of releasing your emotions. You might do this later in the day even. However, at some point, you will want to consciously reject the lies that your emotions may be leading you to believe, and then align your mind with the truth of God’s word. There’s all kinds of ways to do this:
- You can use the four-step method of Identify, Renounce, Identify, Declare from above.
- You can use the two step-method of surrender and declaration I talk about in my other blog.
- You can simply go into the Scriptures and meditate on what the Bible says about what you’re feeling.
It can go something like this:
I renounce the lie that God has left me to fend for myself! God has promised in His word that He will supply all of my needs according to His riches in glory. I choose now to put my confidence in His steadfast love and goodness toward me!
It doesn’t really matter how you go about this, as long as you are seeking the truth through God’s word. Let God’s Spirit guide and direct you.
My prayer is that as you do this, you’ll grow stronger and more confident in the Lord! Remember that you can run to God always, no matter how you are feeling. He is the Great Physician! He loves you! And He is for you!
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)
“Be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)
